A letter to my husband
Soon you will be my ex-husband. Like so many marriages we became a statistic, just another number with another piece of paper. We will be free to get married again. But I want you to never make the same mistakes again. I want you to choose a wife who will be a great mother to your children. I want you to have a family. I want you to be happy and have a successful career. I will not air our dirty laundry in public. Please don’t speak ill of me anymore because I will never do this to you. Once we looked at each other with love, with hate and who knows what else. Now we may never look at each other again. We may never speak again. We haven’t spoken in four years so seeing you the other day was the most difficult day of my life. But we made it through the day. There was a moment where we were all laughing and almost like a family. It was a moment we should have had when we were together years ago. We never had the privilege of sharing our relationship with our families in a positive way. They have both been so amazing and so supportive. Please cherish your parents! They are absolutely wonderful and their love for you is never ending. My love for you will always be there too but it will never be the same again as the day I said I do! Instead I have matured and made it into a love where I only wish you well.
We haven’t spoken in four years so seeing you the other day was the most difficult day of my life.
Today it feels like I no longer know you. But when I saw you the other day you were exactly the same. I think the person who have changed was me. Today I am walking around with guilt and if I knew how to help you I would. I will always be there for you if you ever want to reach out to me for help with anything you may need.
I decided to travel alone. Once I thought we would conquer the world together. Explore places together. Go somewhere neither of us have ever been. But that will never be the case. I thought around the next corner I will meet my Prince Charming. But there has been no white horse again. Only more frogs who never turned into Princes!! I decided I am 28 I no longer need to wait to travel with someone. I do not need to share these experiences with anyone. I get to keep these memories for myself. It has been the best decision I have made! Travelling alone has allowed me to immerse myself in the culture and the location. Integrate and befriend people I would never have had I been accompanied on my journey.
I decided I am 28 I no longer need to wait to travel with someone.
It is almost like I am searching every corner of the world now for my happiness. But I think I am collecting each little puzzle piece each day. These past few days has been extremely difficult and several times I had the thought of throwing in the towel, going home and returning to my sulking self who hid away in an apartment for a year. But tomorrow I have to get on a bus and leave the city you grew up in. The city you romanticized for me over the years we were together. It only held sadness for me. The night after I saw you all I wanted was my lounge, thriller movies, a pizza, bucket of ice cream and to eat my feelings. I didn’t do this. I stayed in a hostel. I bawled my eyes out. I didn’t care if these strangers thought I was weird. If we want to cry we should be allowed to. Why should we continue to hide our feelings just because that is what society expects of us?
The night after I saw you all I wanted was my lounge, thriller movies, a pizza, bucket of ice cream and to eat my feelings.
I want to thank you for the time we had together. For the love you gave me. For the lessons I learned. I want to wish you well and I want you to never stop being ambitious. You were so intelligent and that was the first characteristic of you I fell in love with plus you were pretty cute (but it was your mind). I do not regret meeting you and marrying you. Thank you. You have been the butterfly effect I needed to become a tornado in the world to never stop dreaming and exploring.
Love your soon to be ex-wife XX